Thoughts

A clean sheet of paper
A wiped slate
A clear sky
A thoughtless mind

My thoughts intrude then
Into my mind
Into the paper
Into the coherent

My thoughts now invade more space
My mind can’t hold them back anymore
They need expression, release
They need to be shared

The perfection of paper altered
White affected by black
Perfect imperfections
Coherent incoherence

A set of completely unrelated ideas
Searching for the ever allusive harmony
Finding it then losing it
While I blurt them out on paper

Found and lost the coherence
I stop to think hard
The reason for the lack
The reason for the disarray

Too many thoughts
Too less space
Too many ideas
Not enough time

When many search for the clear sky
The serene mind
The white paper
The clean slate

I harp on my thoughts
Weighing them
Sieving them
Writing them expressing them


Am I insane?
Am I searching for a different truth?
Am I rambling disconnected
Am I realizing?



Too late then I think
The paper is no more white
The slate written upon
The cloudy sky and the crowded mind

Well, my thoughts
Otherwise fleeting
Have found not coherence
But evanescence jailed in ink

By
Oruganty

Leaving Home

My bags are packed
At the doorstep I wait
I wait for a dark future
I wait for the past to fly

Memories cloud my head
Memories good bad ugly
Of a past that I leave behind
Of a future I embrace

Thoughts fly past me
I try sieving these thoughts
Searching for coherence
I try to hold a few more grains of time

Time flies fast
The grains I hold slip faster
My thoughts are still fighting for meaning
An identity I now burn to create a new one

Thoughts of my mother’s kiss
Her caresses and slap
Her dark eyes and her glower
Her hair I played with

Thoughts of my father’s finger
That led me when I fell
His sober smile that made me feel complete
His wrinkled brow when I was mischievous

Thoughts of my friends
My foes alike they were
The good times we had and the bad
The fights and the reunions

Thoughts that wrung my heart
A tear it then lets out
A drop that has in it hidden
A story of my life till now

A tear for all my good days
A tear for all the bad ones
A tear for the candle of past I blow off
A tear in fear of the future

And when the drop has dried
I wonder about its genesis
I blew out the candle of my past
Then why do I fear the future ahead?

sharp curve ahead

Milestone turning point sharp cliff drop dead and yea I am an engineer (provisionally though and if EBG has a sore fight with his wife I will get to be one within five years. So now what does it mean to be a BE in Anna University?
If you have a taste for surprises shocks jolts and quirks of fate then you are a candidate for the course. Add to it the fact that you should have a strong heart to live through nightmares that haunt you even after the semester exams, you know the typical stuff like you writing the exam and flunking and then you wake up shouting “NAHIN!!!” in AU you get used to it so much that a dream like that would make you react “Thank god only one arrear this time turn around and sleep. Talking about jolts and quirks of fate, you must realize that all turns are dangerous and no news is good news except if you are a masochist. You have done a paper exceedingly and then check the result believe me it shows u an F talk about insinuating innuendoes, you have done a paper badly and you don’t expect to pass then it still shows you an F again bottom line, every semester reminds you of the fact that one weak moment and the end begins (I am not talking about safe sex though it is a far more interesting topic) I mean it would do just fine if the legend changed to “middle finger “ for all fail marks and “sneer” for all pass marks cos wither way life is screwed up.
Now so you write your boards and with all the lectures of 12th being turning pint and blah, you write tnpcee and end up in counseling in first few days, father happy mother happy you beaming and take up let us say EEE in Anna univ, and the counseling officer actually grins “BAKRA” you don’t seem to hear it so go to visit friends and relatives to share the news about admission and they say “Paavam…” you still do not realize and then first semester results, you realize it is too late.
Oh if you thought the only variety that our univ offers is in flunking u in evaluation then it is a mistake. The univ has special offers through out the semester. Like it gives you Greek and gibberish papers, stuff that belong to an alien subject and I guess next step would be papers in ancient Hebrew or hieroglyphic though most of the time it really doesn’t make a difference to lives like mine. Not that I am a polyglot but that I have been tested by time enough. So you are yearning to be a topper, you study all night mommy gives kaapi chai and all that you burn the midnight oil and all that for paper A and end up in the exam hall, determined to crack the paper come what may (typical Armageddon ishtyle”) and then you get the paper, “hullo escuse me this paper has problems why there are numbers and formulas, eh? What is compulsory question saying, then you check the code of your paper, yes it is your paper bad no no worst paper no theory okay” and then you look around to see half the hall empty (the wiser lot know that time is more precious than marks) so you go into delirium and blabber all the stuff that you can remember (believe me memory is also elusive here) so midnight oil kaapi chai hit for a sixer and you write all that you know and exit suddenly remembering the Hindu philosophy of god and his existence. You have pledged your hair and a lot of other strenuous physical activity to some god or the other to help you pass the subject. Then the results come, yes that guy in front of you left hall in 40 min passed but you are left with a tonsured head aching legs due to running around temples and of course an arrear (God shows middle finger) so you writhe in pain and become crazy or mad and end up writing blogs like these after two or three years.
There are additional attractions that add to the univ usp. That is paper leakage, chasing and of course the new scandal. I call it the theory of evolution. You screw a guy’s life big time, then he realizes it slowly and his posterity is born with protective sheath in the backside to prevent screwing. But you impale that sheath too and the univ suddenly realizes that there is malpractice and cracks down upon criminals who have been working very secretively (yea sure)
So doing all this for four years, you either end up in a bedlam or write crazy blogs and if you are the adventurous you will be shown on TV covering your face with a handkerchief….

Oruganty