Tribulations of having a bad net connection

I come from a place that is like far away from civilization. Its like we are al Tom Hanks in Castaway. But one saving grace is a Wi-Fi enabled campus and laptops that we got here, we don't need to talk to footballs.But MURPHY strikes like always( you do not know who Murphy is? You malinformed earthling, he is the guy who invented something or like that) and if you do know who Murphy is then stop feeling intelligent and showing off and comment on my blog
Yea so getting back... Murphy strikes. And your internet connection fucks up.You know what, it is a bad scenario when that happens. You might feel that it is not as serious as it seems but your life might just get screwed and you might end up a loser(did I say end up? yea like we are not there already)
I mean, imagine I am in my room and I haven't ahem... helped myself for quite sometime.
Yea... Hmmm... go... baby go....go......... "You have been disconnected from the network do want to work offline or try again" You know reading this Internet explorer message is not exactly my version of orgasmic pleasure.

If you are proposing to this girl and she is on messenger. You have been wanting to do this for quite sometime so lets call her Poor soul(PS)

Ps I wanted to say something to you It has been sometime that I wanted to say it.
What?
See we have been talking to each other for quite a while....
Yea
So....(Palpitations, sweat, eyes blurred, fingers tremble)
Tell naa?
See i think I am in love with you and I want to know your feelings (Yippee I said it. I have said it finally , phew)
Hullo are you there?
BUZZ!!
PS???
Are you there?
BUZZ!!!

And you realize that you have been disconnected. So you repair the connection and then sign in

Yea so you were saying something
Huh?
Yea I wanted to say that
(this time, the connection is lagged. So there is a time lag between messages)
I wanted to say that I love you
and then you wait when a spurt of messages spoil your day
Anil, you have been a good friend for a long time, I want to tel you something. I think I am in love. I know its weird and you might get a bit shocked but I think I am in love with my classmate. Her name is.......
See, in real world, the order of messages would have been different, but this is a scrwed up virtual world so
technically I proposed to a lesbian.
and now she gets my message of love
and...
HULLO are you there
hullo PS???
I check my connection, its perfect, she has signed off...

But these are only examples that do not matter.

You are writing a mail..

Dear Boss,
...........................................
.........................................
............So because of the above reasons, I take back my resignation and I wish you would consider the letter as nulled. It was a misunderstanding. I hope I am not too late..........

And you click the Send button.
What you fail to notice is that the next thing that appears on your screen is
"Cannot open this page"
Do I need to say anything after that?
Its a simple process
The company lets you go and whom can you blame

See internet doesn't spoil your life, it finishes your life. You are wondering how?

Yes I am ready to pay the ransom, please do not kill her.
again
HULLOOOOOoooo

Doctor Whats the pill that i need to take
Doc....A..area.you theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hi, 21/m/ind. I am in India and I want to speak about sex with you
after sometime...
Hullo Anil this is dad I had changed my Id

Now wait, is this post going to go on blog
shit my internet conne

Time pass

I got a mail that sent this picture
guess what the subject was
"SPICE GIRL"

Are you laughing you loser?
Well then you have an equally screwed up sense of humor as me!

Insecurities...

How could she say that about me?
I have been good to her right?
How can he call me that?
Why don't people realise that I am a good guy?
Why do i have to lose?
Why am I being ignored?
This is not fair!
Why am I so onconsequential in his/her scheme of things? Dont people realize I have feelings too?
Questions aplenty. And one answer that I come up with is "I don't care" Yes. Apathy. Is it a solution?NO, its an answer, a retort. a reply, a mild comeback, a mask, a cover for my insecurities.
I mean, do I really not care? well then why do i take care not to hurt people? Why do I help that girl with her course? Why do I not call people names and tell them what I genuinely think of them? Am I insensitive?
I am insecure.
There are lots of I's. Many I's are reading this post. Many I's writing something. Many I's disagreeing. Many more discovering.
Well, honestly, What am i hiding?
That I care to be befriended, I care to be loved, I care to love, I care to be considered, I care....
Yes an incomplete sentence. Left incomplete not because of ignorance but apathy. Not because of apathy but fear. A fear of rejection.
"I do not care about what he feels...but then....
"i do not want to know if I hurt you...but...
"Why am I supposed to apologize......or...
See more incomplete sentences. More helpless thoughts. More open ended questions. More apathy, fear and rejection

There is no end to it. It is a cycle. Before I say that I am insensitive to everything let me rally find out
I couldn't care less for courtesy, then why am I happy when some one thanks me?
I do not like people who cry, then why do I console them
I do not care if you like me or not, then why do I feel hurt when you ignore me?

Contradictions. Contradictions that complete the sentences. Incompletion now filled with contradictions. Inherent.Insecurity.

I am not depressed, I am not sad, I am not happy, I do not believe in love.
Complete sentences, filled this time with prevarication.
If i do not believe in love, then why am I always searching for an ever allusive perfection that I keep claiming I do not care about.
If I am I not happy or sad, then why am I not indifferent?

I am not confused. Confusion. This time a word filled with contradictions.

ANIL, this one a person filled with contradictions.
Let me end this post

I do not speak for fear of being unheard
I do not show for fear of being looked through
I do not hear for fear of the unpleasant
I do not love for fear of rejection
I am not happy for fear of the sorrow in store
I do not hope for fear of being shattered
I survive in the fear of death
I exist..subsist
Am I happy?
Am I sad?
Am I alive
Am I in love
Am I loved?

This time the answer is different
I do not know but i care
Ignorance. Empathy...

Frequent last words ppl might hear

• Are you Anil?
• Are you alright?
• Is that blood?
• I'll be back
• Yes, I love you
• No, i don't love you
• Its okay I am a good shot
• Jump!
• NO... Dooont....
• Wait...
• Have you done this before?
• You look funny
• Duck down
• Move
• No, the red pill
• "Please check the number yoy have dialed"
• "Hi! the doctor is out, can we take your message"
• Is he dead?
• Are you hurt?

Frequent last words that people might say

1. It was'nt me
2. NO!!!!
3. Look!there is nothing here
4. Why are you guys hiding?
5. HUH??
6. Did you tie the bungee tightly
7. I am not sure if this is safe
8. I love you
9. I did'nt know you were seeing her
10. I can hear something
11. What does this button do?
12. This tastes funny
13. BITCH!!!!
14. I have no money

Memories...

Wading through some memories
Some frames of the past
Discovering tidbits of my life

A memory of the ice cream cart
With its tinker bell arrival
A memory of the park and slides
And the sand in my hair

A memory of the school recess
Of all the snack boxes we shared
A memory of the rush to class
After the short games we played

A memory of my first crush
Her cute ponytail
A memory of that birthday bash
When I met her first

A memory of bereavement
The distances never decreased
A memory of the farewell
The tears already dried

A memory of my high school
Of knowing the opposite sex
Adventures misadventures
And all fun that was

A memory of the group hangouts
With friends that I now recall
The tears we fought back to hide
When we finally had to part

A memory of her hair loose in the wind
The fragrance that bewitched me
A memory of her slender neck
A face I never forget

A memory of my first words with her
A stammer and a grunt
A memory of her laughter
At the joke that was myself

A memory of that moonlit night
That lit all days ahead
A memory of her moist lips
And the days filled with love

A memory of our graduation
Of roads that part again
A memory of that last kiss
I planted on her cheek

A memory that I make every moment
Every memory momentous
A memory that I try to keep
Each one I forget

A memory that I make now
When my past visits my present
And all the memories I treasure
I am the memory smith

Oruganty

Monosyllable monologues...

See i come up with like really complicated titles but as usual there is gonna be total bullshit in this post( Oh! thats not a surprise you say) Yes, its not u immodest creature with a bloated ego about your literary accomplishments. Okay, today's post is going to be on Hmmm...
Hmmm...
No i am not thinking u dimwit(i havent evovled enough to think) i meant

HMMM.....

I mean just think how many times we must have unnoticingly used the word Hmm... for everything from anger to frustration and pleasure and orgasm(okie! not my expertise) and then hatred love, boredom, everythin
Like when you are thinking about this handsome creature and her hooters and that dimple; this imbecile friend of yours is describing how he solied his foot in a puddle

...so i jumped from an auto
hmmm
and then there was this puddle
hmmm(wonder what her mobile number is??)
and then an alien spacecraft teleported me to the center of atlanta the lost world
hmmm(man! she has good ones)

You get it dont you
if u dont, then just comment " Anil is the greatest thinker on the planet" and leave

but if u belong to the same deranged tribe as me (may god bless your soul poor poor u) then continue

so this other time its the time for the usual soap opera and your parents and sis are glued to the television and you are ahem... watching the... shall i say...your favorite biological process on the comp

sis calls.. Anil you should call "blah" tonight its urgent
hmmm...(pant pant)
are u listening to me idiot
HMMM( a particularly loud one that fits the context well) ( if you cant understand, then i guess your idea of a party is tom and jerry and pickwick wafers and of course lemonade with striped pyjamas)
ANIL
door opens
and the rest is (no no you are) History

then there are situations where you know this dumbkcuf of a guy who has nothing to do at night and he calls you when u are its time for "Friends"
see this can get dangerous actually and you might be in a spot
Dude can i come home
hmmm
so u are okay with me having some feelings for u right
hmmm yea hmm hmm
I mean.. i am not saying the normal friendly feelings
hmmm
you really turn me on
Are u alone at home?
Hmmm
SO can i come over
(see this last part, you generally hear dont ask me why, ask murphy) and say
Hmm yea
so he lands up at your doorstep
i guess u can picture the rest
if u want me to write details (get lost u perverted A@#$ole this is not the right url

Its fine till then

But you get into the habit of saying it so often
Anil you are a nice guy but the company has to let you go
Hmmm...( you wanted to say... What the fuck how can you let me go why why just because i didnt let you do me you gay shame on the earth??? i am gonna report this to higher authorities like like ... hmmmm)

Sir we have lost your car it is not in the parking lot
hmm( You freaking thief how can u lose the car its my skoda come here u sob valet lemme make you lose your balls)

Anil I love you
hmm( yea so my apartment or yours)

Anil can we get married
hmm( Marriage? no i mean yes but u see i cant get married i just became a catholic priest)

Anil, main tumhari bachhe ki maa banne waali hoom
Hmm( What, fuck man i need to lodge customer complaints with the condom manufacturer, screw the son of...)

Anil, do you confess having raped and brutally man slaughtered five people and a dog??
Hmmm( Main kaun hoon? Main kahaan hoon?)

To be hanged until death
hmmmm (!@#$!#$!#!@#????)

HMMMMM.......................................

Oruganty

psychoanalysis of anomalous human behavior

The post is a part of series that the title explains. The series deals with my favorite topic Mad people (did u say my bretheren?) yea so how junta behaves weirdly when under some situations

EXAMS

This is like the best time to catch a few specimens. And they behave differently before and after and during a test.
So you trudge your unwilling self to the slaughterhouse(exam center) in the morning and you meet the guy whom u were avoiding from like a month because he is the nerd of the class and he tops. He asks you " So prepared well for the exam"? yea what do u want me to say
"No dude i didnt prep, i mean why should I. I just visited the Neurological center and they transferred the book into my cerebral capacity" or better, " No didn't study anything, i am practising spiritual yoga and i am gonna levitate high enough to copy from your paper" if you really want him to feel bad (like you always dreamt) " No I am a poor soul, my parents are rat poor and i cannot afford any lights in my house, i could not study". You can take the offensive stand and use some choicest vocabulary that would define his ncturnal activities, his relations with his mom and sister and his sexual preferences but then u are risking this last plan of action because he might just not help you.

The best part is when you are really trying to jam that last chapter into your dead skull and Mr Smartass comes to you with a snigger " How many revisions"
" Hmm let me see the 12432234 th, but i have left the preface and i am really scared about that" I mean, what the fuck, if i could actually care enough to revise, i would'nt be in the same class and college as u smart ass
Then the exam...

People suffer from weird paranoias and complexes when it comes to exams. It is a common tendency to believe in the gospel truth" Thy neighbor knows more than thoust does" .And i cant but pity those poor souls who actually ask me for answers " Dude I can't understand the question properly" and then they ask you to ask the person who knows. Like I care! If i did wouldn't i have known it from him/her/it before you? If these are a tribe, then here comes another, the paranoid ones. These are the ones who have been tricked into believing that the Invigilator is actually a CIA agent and if he catches you copying, he will castrate you and send you to Abu Ghraib prison. Believe you me, if you show these guys the cieling fan and told them that it is bugged and they are being watched, they would start palpitating and get a stroke. Dude how difficult is it to pass a small note of help in this class of 75 odd under just two bespectecled watchful eyes. Naah, they will never change

After the exam is the best part. Mr "dumbass show off" comes to your dejected self and asks you " What! you must have cracked the paper?" Yea right, cant you see thru my shirt, i am Superman.
" So sure pass no?"
Why not, after all, my alien friends have mastered the art of interplanetary contact and being more evolved life forms, they chose to help me through telepathy
But the best and the top of all questions are asked when its the day of your results.
Yea you got the symbolic F, and you are like not really worried but bothered about facing your parents then Mr " iam concerned about u cos my marks are great" comes along and asks you" What went wrong?" I thought you were good at this
WHAT??? (appalled) i was good at this subject, dude are we from the same class (no planet?) I think even the bus driver knows i suck at this subject. And what went wrong? Well Where did "You" lose "it" dude?
And then you trudge along again for another term exam when your friendly neighbourhood auntie asks you " Beta how were the tests" GRRRRR......

Oruganty

summer of '69

At half past 2 in the morning, it seems funny to me that I am writing about a seemingly long gone past of my college. I was on Orkut and visited the SVCE(my college, ignoramus Google it) community. I saw familiar faces and related to them were familiar locations and spots in my college where i could place them vividly in my memory. Each of them was a memory some insignificant, many important but none inconsequential. The faces I saw might not recall me or place me in the jigsaw of memory. For them, I might have been non existent but each of them holds a piece that made me, us, the college and the SVCE batch of '05.
Listening to Summer of '69 (it just began playing on my winamp randomly) mere coincidence, providence or a sleepy mind playing tricks on me. We never had a band that was actually functional in college. Most of us had no core competency to talk of. There were a few quizzers, lots of singers and a player or two scattered around. So technically, I can't relate to the song at a banal level. But the essence is touching, if given one chance, I might want to wait at that bus stop, in hopeless anticipation that the bus might be cancelled only to see a yellow colored behemoth making its way to the stop. One more chance to travel the 30 odd kilometres in the most uncomfortable of seats that probably might not even suffice the human rights regulations. A journey of 1 and a half hour travelling through a city just waking up to the sun and going about with its business, while I watch that familiar tea shop or the banner that never changed at that crossing. And every stop a face gets in greeting me searching simultaneously for a seat. Then we hit the outskirts, barren land, cultivated farms, factories all fleet by, each name is a memory, each builiding is still vivid. And then the infamous turn that i always hoped the driver forgot. The parking lot, a converted ground, the ruch to the canteen for coupons and hot breakfast that I cribbed over but nonetheless was contented.
Another chance to know what the first lecture is and trudging to the class hoping against hope that there must be some unexplored method to get an On Duty permission. Sitting in the class, losing myself in a reverie about nothing and everything answering only attendance and no other question put to me.
Going through all the motions till the lunch break and then rushing to the same old canteen, nothing changes , same menu everyday, the same ambience, the same cribbing sessions and the same full meals
After lunch I never failed to sleep for the next two hours, awake for an hour again and then in the bus, sweaty smelling and jostling for a seat, and waiting for the bus to start to catch a breath of fresh air, and then the gossips, fights, discussions about universities and B schools. Plans for the evening and of course Dumb Charades.
The song is coming to an end, Bryan Adams croons " .....thought it would last forever...forever...."

To you

This post is for someone who asked me why I love her and why i care for her. Readers, it is essential for me to post this poem because it answers her questions and probably explains our relationship too.She is not a girlfriend and nothing on those linesm she prefers to be anonymous. Don't waste your time in guessing and just enjoy the post. Its truly heartfelt

Us

Sometimes total strangers might
Embark on a journey,
A journey of life and love
And fortune and misadventure.
Sometimes, they share,
Sometimes reveal
But they know what each other feel
When all words are futile
When all emotions are needless
When dialogues have no place
When monosyllables are language
It’s a peaceful co existence
No strings attached
No expectations
No presumptions
Nothing awaited
No heart breaks
No hopes quashed
Yet a faint happiness reigns supreme
Love in its pristine form
Love in all its glory
Love that begets more
Love that gets more
Love pure
Love eternal
Love that makes us stay
Far apart and cope
When society makes no sense
But people appreciate
When your name brings me pride
When your thoughts bring a smile
When I wake up thinking about your grief
When your smile makes my day
I stop now ‘cos words slip me to say just one thing
You’re an answer to my little prayer

Oruganty