How Do I feel????

1. I have never seen spirits; I am generally out after the first gulp.
2. There are two things certain in my life, my sex and its absence
3. Forgive my parents; I am the result of a failed abortion
4. I am a potential failure and I harness it fully
5. If practice makes perfect, I am a perfect failure
6. If lady luck is a flirt; I am a misogynist
7. I want to make love to many; My Gf still calls me insensitive
8. Life feels like a hangover after cheap liquor
9. I take no bullshit; Mostly I make my own
10. Being in love is like bungee jumping down a volcano
11. I am as irritating as that sneeze that gets stuck up your nose
12. My love life is an oxymoron
13. I am gods inspiration to implement total quality management
14. God is a good sales guy; he sold ME to mom
15. Mom said she forgot to ask God if I came with a money back guarantee.
16. God is the father of all my failures