Trains and Tribulations

It is trivial but have you ever realised the enormous potential of exposure that a train journey has for an average human being. I know the past few posts have been high on philosophy but I guess I finally got my share of Vodka so I am back to senses.
These journeys are informative and exhilirating to the deepest and most sublime human sensibilities. No, I am not exaggerating and No I am not doped as I write this post...I did something better, I travelled by a two tier coach and now I am back...a better person...a better human being...more in touch with reality (Is someone saying, " Chuck Art of Living, Ticket kataa mumbai chalthey hain!")

So it all begins with the goodbyes...
Bye cusin1.
Bye Anil! (Okie!! ten more seconds 10...9...8..7..)
Do visit us sometime cusin1.
Yea sure.(When I start getting suicidal!!)
The train horn...
(4 3 2 1.....Where is the rehab I am stressed??)
So after a 'teary' farewell and waving my hand to that quadroped which looked like a "distant" cusin as the train leaves the platform, I rummage my way through the hustle of the compartment to find a seat. By then, my olfactory nerves have had a ball, they smelt chana aloo, chaas, bhelpuri, brut, nuclear wastes, alien concoctions and other heady smells that have left them dazed about the variety of sebaceous glands.

The best part is the people in trains. The garb of anonymity that the train journey provides. A conversation can be taken to any heights even in introductions-

Hi. So where are you going??
Home.
Oh!

Hi! So where do you stay??
Home.
Ok.

Hi! So what do you do?
I work for the CIA.
Ok.

Hi! So you are from Vizag huh?
No. I came here to settle a narcotics deal. I sell cocaine in my spare time!
Hmmm.. (Moving to the next compartment...)

The best guys are those who buy these magazines. They bury their head into the magazine that I wonder if he believes that he can talk to that half naked model in it and is waiting to hear her speak. But they are an interesting lot because do whatever you want, they wont let go of the book and women of a similar ilk

On page 1
Hi! Interesting book!
she nods.
So you are from...
she nods.
You are going to...
nod nod.
I love you!
nod nod.
HUH??
You are a serial killer on the prowl!!
nod nod.
#$#@##@!!!!
Its midnight, and she is still on page 1 and she sleeps in the lower berth with the book on her face (talk about OCDs!)

Then there are these kind who never buy mags

Sir.. that is my mag!
Acts as if he is busy reading..
SIR, MY MAGAZINE
(I am congenitally deaf kind of look)
Please gimme my mag
(Who are you?, which planet is this? kinda look)
Then you snatch the magazine and he picks up another mag to see pictures....

You have these friendly aunties who have their daughters and sons in the twelfth or something and the moment they hear you are in some engineering college, they beam with happiness like they have been searching for you since the kid was born

"Please advice my son about how to crack the CAT"
the Crack of a son is playing with some gameboy he gives a damn
And he listens to your sermon

"So you should do math everyday!"
(Okie!! If i can get him to look at the window, I can bang his head with the bar and he would pass off!)
"And dont forget english!"
(Wait ..I can ask him to go to the door and push him out)

"DI is important!"
(Die bastard!!! DIE!!)

And I save my skin narrowly from the killer intentions the innocent gameboy playing kid has by moving to the next seat..

The stellar conversations are with those chicks from bangalore (for all south indians, Bangalore is where all chicks come from, we believe, even Cameron has bangalore origins)
Hullo, you are from bangalore?
Yes.(Are you from earth?)
You study there?
Yes.( Which pig sty do u work in?)
Cool, so why are you going to Chennai?
We have some work there.
I am from Chennai.
(Okie lets get back home then!)
Oh I am Anil!
Okie.
What are you called
Barkha Dutt !and this is Drew Barrymore!
Hmmmm....( me burying my face in the book and sliding down into the seat wishing I was invisible)

The best kind who are otherwise harmless are the ones who are oblivious to all existence that doesnt spell FOOD, they have a simple policy
If sold, then buy and eat..

I had the pleasure of meeting the guy who can eat a bhelpuri, followed by an ice cream and coffee, Chips and coke, vada pav, Goodday, and probably the samosas and the wrapper. He did have an appetite but blessed are those in his company who have a blocked nose

With these observations I rest myself on the upper berth
Asleep. (Yea aishwarya, come closer, closer, now touch me ...No dont push me no dont jolt me!!)
Ticket Collector
These are funny people, they somehow know exactly when to wake you up and check your ticket
I mean when a guy doesnt buy a ticket check in the Toilet not on the upper berth.

I wake up to find that I reached destination!

I alight and wait for Dad to come and pick me up wishing that they would be excited to see me after they literaly pushed me to visit cusin1 in Vizag(they were very persistent) After an hour of waiting...
I call home
Hullo?
Yes..??
Dad...?
Whom do you want?
Mr Lakshminarayana..
Oh he has sold the house and left a week ago.......

By
Oruganty